Free Ebook No Big Deal: From Athlete to Advocate: A Memoir of Childhood Betrayal and a Journey to Justice, by Torey Ivanic
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No Big Deal: From Athlete to Advocate: A Memoir of Childhood Betrayal and a Journey to Justice, by Torey Ivanic
Free Ebook No Big Deal: From Athlete to Advocate: A Memoir of Childhood Betrayal and a Journey to Justice, by Torey Ivanic
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From the Author
This is my first time writing a book, and it was an amazing adventure. I'd love to hear how you either can or cannot relate to the story. We are all so connected. My struggle now is the awareness that it is a societal belief that these stories aren't that big of a deal and aren't worth talking about. Conversation is the first step towards change and I'd love for you to be a part of the conversation around preventing childhood sexual abuse. Thanks for reading!
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About the Author
Torey Ivanic, founder of Open Space, is a Classical Homeopath, Mastermind Facilitator, Coach and Author who helps change agents and catalysts live authentic, intentional, healthy lives with purpose and connection.  She's also a wife and mom who gets outside and plays in the Open Space as often as possible. Her unique experience as a physician assistant and homeopath compelled her to seek justice and prevent further abuse at the hands of her perpetrator. Throughout her healing journey, Open Spaces have nourished and soothed her soul. Outdoor spaces such as mountains, oceans, or fields of flowers, and indoor spaces such as yoga studios, therapist's office, writing retreats, and self-development programs, have worked together to enable and empower Torey to heal her body, mind, and soul.  The message of this book changed as she finished writing it. She thought her goal was to write it for her thirty-year-old self and help people who needed to heal from a similar trauma and its inevitable collateral damage and relationshit. By the end, she knew she was also writing it for her children and future generations. She wants to be a part of the upstream change--not just healing for the wounded, but prevention through a grassroots movement to teach parents and children the tools and skills they need to stay safe and healthy.    She resides in Golden, Colorado with her partner in life, Jay; her inspiration for living better every day, Otis and Emi; and their dog, cat, and three chickens. Team Ivanic can be found adventuring in the Open Space on snow, rock, dirt, water, and ice whenever possible.
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Product details
Paperback: 248 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (July 16, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1720528268
ISBN-13: 978-1720528265
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
42 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#215,406 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Ms. Ivanic's story is sadly not uncommon both for young girls but also young boys. It seems we are failing on two fronts; producing children vulnerable to a predator's abuse via the usual paths of broken marriages, lack of parenting and lack of education; and we are no doubt producing or enabling the predators, to some degree, by not placing checks and balances on who spends time with our children and not educating children about proper respect for the sexuality of others. This book raises many questions about sexual education and the education of sexual ethics in our culture. It makes one question whether men and women are basically good or whether they are fallen creatures that need training in how to be moral. If they are good then what makes some become predators? If they are fallen then why do we pretend all are basically good and not have more screening for who our children spend time with? Why is a "muscle bound" male coaching young girls unsupervised? On a national level, why is a trained male physician administering treatment to minor aged female athletes that involves manipulation of the sexual organs without the minor's parent or at least an observer of the same sex present during the treatment? Who taught Ms Ivanic's predator that sexual behavior was just what any two people (and it would seem at anytime or age as well) who love each other do? Who taught him what real love is and what the role of sex is? Who taught Ms. Ivanic these same things? That the victims' sexual understanding of the power of sex apart from their interactions with the predator is telling as well. It would seem teenage sexual experience is now expected and somehow deemed healthy. Sex is easily as powerful as a loaded gun (something we are rightfully very concerned about as well in recent times) but our society treats it like just a normal biologic function that can be participated in with no more thought than a bowel movement, also a normal biologic function. And yet we still manage to shroud it in the mystique of the Victorian era and use it as a tool for shame. We make jokes about it in mainstream media, we glorify it on the very screen that has its purveyors being found guilty of ugly sexual power abuses. Yet we want to make sure all consenting adults (a loaded term to be sure) can participate in it however they wish with whomever they wish without guilt. I presume no one would object to the predator in this story feeling some guilt or wish that he would have had restraining amounts of it prior to embarking on his abuses. I don't think we can have it both ways and Ms. Ivanic's story highlights this disconnect in our culture. I have two small children one male and one female. They demonstrate daily for me that there are real differences between the sexes that need to be accounted for. The biology will naturally place the male in a place of physical power that must be taught restraint and morality. The female will always be vulnerable to abuses of this power and must learn wisdom both how to avoid situations that are risky and to understand there exists evil in this world. I'll grant the egalitarian that these roles can be reversed but I believe the numbers bear out that females are proportionately more vulnerable. I applaud this presentation of the problem from Ms. Ivanic's perspective at different times in her development. It provides insight into where our children are at different times in their development right through to a dysfunctional adulthood and the courage it takes to find resolution and healing. I think her story would be an excellent vehicle to open discussions in sex education classes at the high school level. I wish her well in her future endeavors to make our children safe and ensure no child ever thinks "no big deal" when it comes to their sexual health and life.Thomas Kraner, MD
I had a mixed reaction to the book. I liked the message that molestation doesn't have to include sex, as it has a lot of emotional consequences--even when the victim is a teenager and has already had relationships (or at least one). I also liked the message that if it happens to more than one person, it likely has and will happen to others, so it is important to stop it right away. I would have liked to hear more about how the perpetrator was abused as a young child.I didn't like how the author seemed oblivious to her bubble of privilege. She told us over and over that she was cute and blonde and fit and good at sports and she spent her time living a privileged white girl's life. While that doesn't detract from the main point, I found it grated on my nerves given our current political climate. There was a lot of "humble bragging" and obliviousness. I felt at times like I was listening to a sorority girl recount her Friday nights. That said, the friend who recommended the book knew the author from school and said she is fun and inclusive.Overall, I thought the book was readable, but I probably won't pass it on.
I bought this book because sexual abuse has touched my life more than I care to think about. I’m always interested in hearing stories from other people and the effects it’s had on its victims.What I DIDN'T like about the book....It wasn’t what I hoped for meaning I was hoping it would be a little more “groundbreakingâ€. The authors life seemed relatively normal compared to what I expected or could’ve been. Bad relationships, excess drinking in college, etc. Those are things that happen regularly without sexual abuse so I really wasn’t able to read between the lines where the suffering actually was. I’m definitely happy that she was able to build a life for herself but I saw it as how easily she was able to overcome which causes the reader to assume she didn’t really suffer many consequences from her abuse. I felt like I learned more about her life...jobs, interests in the outdoors and dating but not about the inside pain.What I DID like about it...It was through the victims eyes and not page after page of statistics and medical terms that I wouldn’t understand and isn’t the point of her story anyway. It was easy to read and easy to follow which helped me understand her life from then until now. It was strong enough to cause triggers which says a lot about the writing or the “sisterhood of the abusedâ€. It was a personal story and didn’t read like a newspaper article which is what I was looking for. I was reassured even though I already knew...that just because it wasn’t rape, it was still abuse, still horrible and still a crime. It made me feel less alone and more normal because when you’re a survivor, you tend to keep it inside because you fear it will make you look not normal.I recommend the book even though it wasn’t exactly what I expected. When I told a friend how I felt about it, she reminded me that not everyone is as familiar as I am so to many many readers, it WAS groundbreaking.
While insidious in nature, Torey's trials and torments have molded her into a courageous woman who was able to record her betrayal and abuse from her gymnastic coach in a well written book, No Big Deal. She emerges victorious and at the end of the all our life stories, that is a very big deal. Reading this book will help parents open dialogs about acceptable sexual behavior, allow innocent victims to understand they are indeed victims and that help, hope and happiness are within reach. So encouraging that she shared how much her life changed once she started talking about the abuse with a professional. Hopefully it encourages many silent sufferers to open up and confide to parents or professional and find healing. Thanks for taking that courageous step and telling your story.
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